Ten Things You Never Wanted To Know About the First Trimester

by on September 6, 2011

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I’ve been pregnant now for approximately 3.5 months. I’m at the tail-end of my first trimester, and I’m starting to feel all “hindsight is 20/20″ about my first stint at my first trimester of pregnancy. I’m also starting to feel extremely irritated that nobody told me the truths about pregnancy before I was pregnant.

Do pregnant women who have endured a horrible first trimester just forget how horrible their first trimester actually was? Is it kind of like the whole “I don’t remember how much child birth hurt because it was such a glorious experience” thing?

No matter the case, I’m mad at you, previously pregnant women. You shouldn’t make the rest of us suffer so.

Let’s just consider this post my public service to those of you who haven’t experienced the miracle of the first trimester yet. If you’re a man, you may want to turn back now.

1) You will probably not want to eat as often as you need to eat. In addition, you will most likely not want to eat the foods that your body needs you to eat. This seems to be a universal truth, and like me, you will just have to feel your way through this. Eat what you can handle at that moment.

2) Don’t bother grocery shopping. The food you buy now will not be the food that you want to eat tomorrow.

3) You might not poop for 3 days. You will hate yourself. Don’t take the Dulcolax that your doctor recommends, or you’ll be up all night in agony. Just wait it out. Trust me on this one.

4) I was watching TMZ yesterday, and one of the guys in the press room said that “discharge” was one of several words that women hate. There are good reasons for this, of which pregnancy is one.

5) You will want to eat things like Sour Patch Kids and Life Savers Gummi’s…even though you normally hate these foods. I suggest eating a piece of fruit first (if you can stomach it), and save the Sour Patch Kids for another day. Fruit is your (my) friend.

6) You will grow body hair faster and more aggressively than you ever have in your life. Plan accordingly.

7) Your skin will become dry like the Sahara. You will need to become innately familiar with The Butters.

8 ) Although you may think that your “baby bump” is starting to grow, it’s really just bloating. Trust me…my “baby bump” is smaller now than it was 4 weeks ago.

9) You will need a reliable pair of nail clippers because your nails grow at lightening speed!

10) You will sweat for no reason at very inopportune times. It’s not cute.

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Now that we have that out of the way…

Labor Day weekend was relaxing for me, hope it was for everyone else! Spent a lot of time relaxing, floating and swimming in my pool, and hanging out with the dogs and My Gazelle.

I’ve been reading this book, which I LOVE so far…

And yesterday, we went to the movies and saw this movie, which was an action-packed way to spend 2 hours on a lazy Monday:

 

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We moved into our house exactly a month ago, and it’s still primarily looking the same as it was when we moved in. We have managed to pile all of the “extra” stuff into the future nursery, and it’s a constant reminder that I only have approximately 7 months to get everything organized and put away. We somehow managed to purchase a house that has less closet space than we had in our prior condos, which seems really odd. We’ll get it figured out.

In the meantime, the pool has sucked up all of our budgeted funds that we set aside for the floors! It looks like we’ll have to live with our ugly blue carpets for a few more months until we can save up more money for the floors. Just when we thought that the pool was all fixed and lovely, a geyser erupted under our deck. It seems as though the wonderful contractor who built the new deck before we moved in conveniently set the footers directly on top of the water line from our pool  to the pump. Wasn’t that nice of him!?

The good news is that the pool is fixed. The bad news is that my lungs hate our blue carpet.

**wheeze…cough…wheeze**

Oh well–we’ll get there. Slowly…but we will get there!

 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=734510202 Heather Hurd

    In defense of those of us who have been pregnant, every pregnancy (even for the same woman) is SO different. For me, I didn’t have any of this either time, except the sweating (which I have anyway) and the discharge… but I did have raging, unstoppable, CRAZY cravings for BEEF BEEF BEEF at all times, except for two weeks worth of nonstop bean burrito cravings. So, be comforted. It’s not that anyone was truly keeping things from you. It’s that everyone’s pregnancy is unique in it’s weirdness. :)

  • http://MrsFatass.com MrsFatass

    I totally feel your pregnancy pain. Twinsies. And no, I didn’t forget the horrors or the pains, even though motherhood is glorious.

    BTW, remember my post on The Roy? Well, might I suggest getting into the habit of sipping a warm cup of prune juice every morning now? Trust me on this one. Warm. Prune. Juice. Everyday. I promise not to tell any of the New Kids.

  • http://www.joggerslife.com joggerslife

    Trust me…I have been fully prepared for the introduction of The Roy, but thankfully I’ve been taking preventative measures. I will definitely keep the warm prune juice in mind. Don’t tell ANYONE…not just the New Kids.

    I also forgot to mention in my post the XXX-style movie star boobies. I feel like I need to affix a “censored” bar across my chest at all times.

  • http://www.joggerslife.com joggerslife

    This is very true…every pregnancy is completely different [even one woman can have very different pregnancies I hear]. These just happen to be my gripes…although my friend is a week ahead of me and has had nearly no symptoms at all. Crazy.

    I had that strange BEEF BEEF BEEF craving for all of 2 weeks very early on…then I just wanted macaroni & cheese. My desire for meat has not really returned, so mostly veggies, pasta, tofu & fruit for me still.

  • Pingback: Ciao, First Trimester! | Adventures in Tralaland

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