However, I’m not going to lie and tell you that it has been business as usual this week.  I’ve eaten more vegetables than I had been in the past 2 months.  I’ve noticed a definite shrinkage in the general stomach area.  I’ve been conscious (although not obsessive) about my eats.

But, I’m not hungry.  I’m not starving.  I’m not restricting.

And who says that I wasn’t eating TOO MUCH for the past few months anyway?  My muffin top kind of proved that fact to me, by the way.

And I love eating seasonably anyway–with spring brings more veggies, and a ‘new start’.  So, here is my new start.  No diet, just being more conscious.

But, there are much more important things going on today besides weight loss.

First of all, my wonderful future father in law is graduating from his program at Blind Industries and Services of Maryland.  Did you know that Baltimore, Maryland, is home to one of the worlds most highly regarded training schools for the blind?  I didn’t know that either until last year!  Apparently, people come from all over the world just to learn the skills that are taught at the school.

When I first met Dad, he still had his vision.  Unfortunately, he fell victim to a condition called Macular Degeneration, which was likely due to his uncontrolled type II diabetes.  Over the course of many years, this condition had a chance to become more serious, and within a few months after Rick and I started dating, Dad had only the ability to see a hazy outline of objects.  Then he could only see a bit of light.  Now, he tells me that those flashes of light are gone.

He is a wonderful man, and he has never lost his spirit.  He went from being a successful professional in the business world; earning a living and helping to support his family (and my favorite ‘other mother’ in the whole world), to relying upon other people for everything.

Pretty scary, no?

The whole situation is yet another testament to the reasons why we need to all take care of our health, but it was a blessing that he received the opportunity to attend The Maryland School For the Blind.  Throughout the course of the past year(ish), he has learned how to cook, clean, and travel to different places completely on his own by airplane, bus, and train.  He’s even traveled to different states to visit friends.  He learned how to use a computer, read, and navigate the world without his vision.  They dropped him off several times in different unfamiliar locations, and he had to make his way home on his own.

It’s truly amazing.  Especially since when I imagine myself in these situations, I can only see myself crying and asking for my Mommy.

It’s been a long road for him.  As difficult as everything has been (and still is), he has really been an inspiration for the entire family in so many ways, and I’m proud of him for all of the things that he’s accomplished.

It makes me happy that I will be attending his graduation today.  I’ll be wearing a dress.  This also makes me happy.

Not to mention…Fitbloggin’ starts today at 5:30PM!

I’m excited.  Strangely, I’m way more excited for this conference than I ever was for the Healthy Living Summit.  I’m different, and the vibe of Fitbloggin’ is different.  It also helps that there are many cool chicks that I like who are going!

I’ll be blogging and tweeting from the conference, so keep your eyes peeled for me this weekend!

I might even post a VLOG (gasp!)  if I’m feeling brave.

* Have you joined my Facebook Group yet?

* See how my training is going over here!

* Looking for my eBook?

*Check out my body image project!

1) Tyra Banks lost 30 pounds, after previously telling the media to ‘kiss my ass’ about weighing a healthy 160 pounds.

2) Ralph Lauren’s controversial airbrushed ad of Filippa Hamilton.

3) A recent study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, which concludes that viewing particular types of models in media ads leads to low self esteem in women.

I could go on for days about Tyra’s decision to lose 30 pounds, and her decision not to discuss the motivation behind it, but I’m more interested now in the study mentioned in #3.

Personally, I only recently started reading magazines again, after about a 3 year hiatus.  Very early on in treatment, I made a decision to stop looking at my magazines of choice. Of course I still read my cooking magazines, and the occasional People magazine, but I steered clear of any magazine that was potentially triggering for me.  I decided to continue abiding by this practice well into recovery, but when I stepped into the mix of body image activism and positivity with Letters To My Body, I decided to buy some new magazines, and see what I’m up against these days.

I still found the images in certain magazines to be incredibly self-defeating.  Looking at magazines now through less eating-disordered eyes is a very different experience than before, however, no less intimidating.  The difference is that now, I’m aware of what is happening in my mind, and I know that the negative thoughts can be challenged and squashed.

Even at the height of my eating disorder, I never aspired to be stick thin.  I wanted to look like a fitness model.  I wanted to be small, of course, but I also wanted to be muscular and shapely.  Our society’s version of “thin” (the version that we see in magazine ads) has never looked appealing to me.  Emaciated was just never my thing.  I was not your typical eating-disordered individual (if there even is such a thing).  I didn’t want to melt away and disappear.

I wanted to look like Beth Horn.

And, I’m still in love with her figure.  I admire strong (yet lean) women.  I’m not talking about Cnyna-type proportions here, but I always aspired to have a lean, strong physique.  Maybe because it was more attainable for me (since I was not dealt the ‘tiny pixie body on a Tinkerbell frame’ card), or maybe because it looked more healthy in my eyes.

I could starve myself to death, binge & purge.  As long as I maintained my muscle mass.

As long as I still had muscles, I was healthy.  That, my friends, was the rationale behind yer girl’s eating disorder.

Rather than trolling tons of thinspo websites and looking for (airbrushed) pictures of waif-like models, I searched fitness modeling websites and looked at the websites of professional fitness models.  That’s what I aspired to be.

I didn’t subscribe to Vogue or any of the typically ED-triggering magazines.  I bought Oxygen and read it 148 times.  Tore out the pages.  Clipped the recipes.  Pasted the models’ pictures in my “motivational binder”.  Placed workouts lovingly into plastic page protectors inside the binder.  Brought the binder with me to the gym.  Religiously.

I called it my “fitness bible”.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and not everyone aspires to be stick-thin.  I can’t say that fashion ads have caused the body image and self-esteem problems in our society, but in my opinion, they definitely perpetuate them.

1) What type of magazines do you read?

2) Do you use magazines and the ads they contain as motivation to lose weight?

3) Do you have a body role model (someone you strive to look like from a body standpoint)?

4) What do you think about all of this body image stuff?

5) What are you having for lunch (I’m hungry)?

* Have you joined my Facebook Group yet?

* See how my training is going over here!

* Looking for my eBook?

* Everyone loves a giveaway!

I think I just put a lot of pressure on myself to always be “recovered”.  This label seems so finite and clear, but I’m realizing and accepting that it’s really not that simple.  Just because I don’t act out negatively on the anxiety I still feel at times about food and body image doesn’t mean that the thoughts don’t exist.

I’m sure you’ll hear more about this in the future.

Secondly, there is still time to submit your soup recipe to be entered into my MaraNatha giveaway!  I’ve decided to dedicate all of next week (post-marathon) to actually creating these recipes.  And, since I’ve had a few requests, after putting my own love into the recipes, I will publish them as an eBook!

If you’d like to be included in the initial distribution of the Soup Lovers eBook, please go to my homepage and enter your email address in the top left box to be added to my newsletter and eBook list (I promise not to spam you, that’s not my thing).  I’m hoping to make eBooks more of a staple around here as my schedule allows.

Did you see yesterday’s Letter To My Body?  The letter was written by an incredible life coach, Andrea Owen.  This proves the fact that even the experts have (or have had) body issues.  Nobody is immune.

**This concludes the ‘housekeeping’ portion of today’s post**

Now, I’d like to talk about chapped lips.

Last night, it happened.  I ran nearly 8 miles.  No knee pain.  No shin pain.  No calf pain.  Slight hip pain, but I can deal with that.

Despite all of the lack of pain in my extremities, my fricking lips were killing me!

The weather has started to get a little crisp here in the northeast, and although I love the Fall, I hate the effects of fall weather on my skin!  By the time I returned home from my run (blissful, I might add), the combination of dry air and sweat had my lips burning and chapped.

According to the Mayo Clinic website, the causes of chapped lips are as follows:

• Exposure to wind, sun, or cold, dry air (yep, nope, yep, yep)
• Breathing with an open mouth (a.k.a. “gasping for air with an open mouth”)
• Licking your lips (most def)
• Dehydration (oh heck yeah)

So, as you can see, I’m destined to have chapped lips.  I sweat profusely, I lick my lips constantly, I don’t drink enough water, I love the cold air…so, what’s a girl to do??

According to Wikipedia, there are several home remedies for chapped lips (since I’m not too keen on medication-type remedies):

1) Honey has antibacterial properties which can help heal and soothe chapped lips.

2) Nasal sebum may also be used as a remedy.

3) Coconut oil or butter is also an effective remedy that has been used in ancient India for many centuri.

Has anyone tried any of these remedies for chapped lips, or do you have a better remedy?

* Have you joined my Facebook Group yet?

* See how my training is going over here!

* Wonder what I’m eating?

* Everyone loves a giveaway!

That’s just not what Jogger’s Life was ever intended to be.

However, I do have an inexplicable passion to bring to light the issues that people have with these things. All too often, things are swept under the rug because they are uncomfortable or difficult to deal with. Body image ideals, self-esteem, weight, eating disorders, self-loathing…these are all things that people aren’t comfortable talking about during the course of a normal day. They’re just too “heavy” for everyday conversation. Most of us are left to just internalize these things.

I wanted to give others the opportunity to freely and anonymously face these issues personally, with no risk of backlash or feelings of shame or guilt. To accomplish this, I decided to launch a new website:

www.letterstomybody.com

The premise is simple. I’ve set up the website to act as an anonymous, safe, guilt, and shame-free way to write a letter to your body. The positive or negative–anything that you want to write. After you write your letter, just anonymously mail it to the Post Office Box that I’ve set up specifically for the website. Letters can also be submitted through the “write yours” tab on the website as well. Upon receipt, it will be posted on the website. This gives participants the opportunity to honestly vent with no risk of any repercussions, and it gives readers the ability to identify with your feelings and know that they are not alone.

I have seen some bloggers write letters to their bodies and then post the letter on their own sites, but I felt that it would be very beneficial for a larger audience to see these letters. In addition, writing a letter of this sort is much less intimidating if nobody knows who you are.

People (women especially) are so critical of their own bodies and we’re so hard on ourselves. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others, and I think it will be cathartic not only for those who are writing the letters, but also for the readers to see and identify with the letters. I think we’ll find that we all have some degree of the same feelings toward our bodies!

Initially, I was going to remain anonymous on the site as well, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I’m sure that people would wonder who was maintaining the site, and why it was set it up in the first place. I can’t say that I would send my own letter without knowing that it was going to be well taken care of by someone who was dedicated to the site. I am also in the hopes that by not being anonymous, those of you who already know me will reach out and contribute to the site; the site can only be as strong as the letters that are posted on it.

If anyone has questions or feedback about the site (positive OR negative), please let me know.

If you’d like to send your own anonymous letter to be posted on the Letters To My Body website, you can email it to letters at letterstomybody dot com, click here for the “write yours” form, or mail it to:

Letters To My Body
P.O. Box 1651
Laurel, MD 20725

I hope you will add the feed to your reader, and also participate in this project, as is very near and dear to my heart. It is very important to me, and I think that it has the potential to help others–which is all that I really want.

Update 9/28/09:  The site officially launched on September 20th, 2009, and I have already “met” so many amazing people through the website, Twitter, and Facebook.  The fact that people have been so receptive to the site as well as the concept itself has been very heartwarming.  I hope that everyone continues to submit their letters so that together we can all raise awareness about the issues that we face concerning body image, self-esteem, and eating disorders.