Please do pour yourself a nice glass of your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and press “play”.

I’m going through changes.

I firmly believe that when a person stops changing, they’re not being the best person that they can be. None of us are perfect, and not only do we need to continue challenging ourselves mentally and physically in order to stay on our game, we also have to do it to stay alive.

You know…A L I V E! Not just (fingerquote) alive (unfingerquote)…but A L I V E!

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Doing the same thing over and over again makes us angry. OK, that might be a stretch…but you know what I mean. A few months ago, I was constantly slothing around on the sofa at every available opportunity. I was completely unmotivated to do anything. I didn’t want to work out, go out, bake cupcakes, nothing. I was all blah, and I was a little angry.

It’s a viscous cycle for me personally. Something happens to derail my normally healthy, active self, then I eat garbage to stuff away my feelings, I gain weight, and that makes me even more blah.

I can only be blah for so long. Not only does my brain begin yelling “HEY!!! YOU!!!!! SLOTH!!!! GET UP!!!! STOP IT!!!!”, but I also have some very honest friends who love me enough to speak up. Thank you, friends. You told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit.

I needed to step up my game.

I’ve talked before briefly about my transition into running, but the basic gist of it is that I am not a runner by nature. This should come as no surprise to you, if you’ve read any of my previous stories about injuries and excessive coughing and snotting. What I haven’t really talked too much about is the fact that prior to running, I loved bodybuilding.

Love. Big, big, love.

My dream was to compete in a fitness competition [which still makes me chuckle], but I was actually pretty good at it. I loved the feeling of confidence and strength that came over me when I walked into the “boys” area of the gym and busted out a bunch of squats, dead lifts, and bench presses. I’ve talked to you (ad nauseam) about the struggle with my 15-year eating disorder. The difference between me and many other women who struggle with eating disorders is that I never wanted to be thin. I wanted to be fit. Muscular. Strong.

Unfortunately, by the time that I started bodybuilding, I was already under the belief that I couldn’t be fit or strong and muscular unless I starved myself or binged/purged my way there. Now I know that what I was doing was completely counterproductive, but at the time it was mostly just a way to cope.

I became obsessed with all things diet and exercise, and I eventually nixed weight lifting in favor of running only, since ‘on paper’, running burned more calories. More than regretting the many years of my eating disorder, I regret losing sight of the thing that I loved so much: bodybuilding-induced muscles!

…p.s…I’m pretty sure that I can look way better than this now that I actually eat. =)

I’ve been thinking about this fact for a very long time. As I complete races and keep running, in the back of my mind I have never stopped thinking about the fact that I desperately miss bodybuilding. However, the one thing that has been keeping me from it is FEAR.

FEAR! Isn’t that SILLY?!

First, it’s a little intimidating when you have to start over with something that you were formerly good at. Not to mention, I am not nearly as confident about myself or my body as I was 5 years ago. This makes me feel yucky, but I can get over the yuck in order to ultimately make myself happy.

Second, I have continuously tossed out the idea of getting back into bodybuilding because I have been afraid that it would awaken that eating disorder beast inside of me. When I think of the years when I was doing more weight lifting than running, those were also years when my eating disorder was the single governing body in my life. I actually mentioned this in a post back on October 5, 2009! Can you believe this has been on my mind for that long?

At some point, I started to associate my eating disorder with my love for bodybuilding.

I’ve worked it out. And, I worked out. I can’t describe to you how great it feels to do something that I’m good at for a change. I’ve spent the past 4-5 years trying to be something that I’m not.

I’m not a runner. I’m a jogger at best…but I’d rather be a bodybuilder.

I’m going through changes, and they’re good.

For the past 5 years of my life, I’ve seriously tried to be a runner.  I’ve trained my ass off, even waking up before daylight so that I could get my miles in before the sun started blazing down on me.  This is a major sign of devotion, considering how much I love sleep.

I’ve cried on the side of major highways, called my loved ones for rides, suffered through IT band friction syndrome, bursitis, and I even agonized my way through a marathon in a fairly injured state.  My body has lived in a varied state of dysfunction for roughly the past 3 years.

Last night, I ran/walked a measly 2.5 miles, and I’ve now apparently pulled “something” contained within that massive conglomeration of muscles, tendons, and wonky space behind my knee.  I thought that the solution to all of my running problems was switching to a walk/run/walk program, but in addition to janking my knee last night, I also janked my Gymboss.

I think it was a sign.  My knee and my Gymboss went to hell, both during the same run.

So…

Guess what, running?

No, like seriously.

You’re just like an abusive boyfriend.

I have this crazy, psychotic love for you, despite the fact that I know in my mind that you’re just no good for me.  I devote my time and attention to you, and I think that everything is going along swimmingly, and then BAM! , you turn around and bitch slap me for no good reason.

Then I cry and pout and stew, and you apologize.  You tell me that you’ll change, it’ll all be OK in the end.  You’re ‘different’ this time.  So I take you back.

Then, a week later, you beat my ass again.

And so, to this, I say “ENOUGH“, because “everyone has a limit”.  And nobody puts Baby in the corner.  And such.

I just can’t do this to myself anymore.  I have to own the fact that it’s just not working out for me.  Running isn’t my thing.  It never was, and as I continue trying to run month after month and race after race, I’m getting injured quicker and quicker.

I’m going to do my best to complete the 3 races that I have on schedule for 2011 (February, March & April), and then I’m going to have to move on to something that better suits my body.  I’ve said it before (remember 2010–the year of the triathlon?), but this time I mean it.

[p.s...can I take out a restraining order on myself in order to properly enforce this decision?]

Unfortunately, this opens up a whole new set of challenges.

I’m probably going to have to rename the blog.  ‘Bicycler’s Life’, ‘Weightlifter’s Life, or Wii Gamer’s Life just don’t roll off the tongue as easily.  All I know for sure is that “Jogger’s Life” will be a bit of a misnomer after April.

I’m going to have to start believing the fact that I’m not going to instantly gain 50 pounds if I stop running.  On the flip side, I’m also going to have to commit to participating in other activities that I enjoy (eating cupcakes is not a sport).  Otherwise, I actually might just gain 50 pounds.

I’m also going to have to really own the fact that there will be no more running in my life.  I’m going to also have to stop convincing myself that “this” time that I start running again is somehow going to be “different”.

It’s never different.  Stalk me as you may, running, but I know that you’re no good for me, and I don’t have to take it anymore.

[source]

J. Lo said so.

My Gazelle loves the TRX Suspension Trainer.  This past Saturday, we were being held hostage in our development due to a street festival, thus foiling all previous plans of us making it to the gym.

What is any logical person to do?  Well, take their TRX outside, wander around the neighborhood, find a huge telephone pole, attach the TRX, and proceed to get in a suuuurious workout.

If our neighbors didn’t think we were strange before, they definitely do now.

Here is My Gazelle’s full review of the TRX Suspension Trainer, complete with sweaty hawt boy pix.  And there’s one of me.  I’m sweaty, but not hawt.  I only allowed that one picture of me to prove that the best part of the TRX is that anyone with a basic level of fitness can use this piece of equipment.  Better yet, My Gazelle and I used this together, with very few modifications.

It was quite the romantic afternoon on our TRX.

And now, My Gazelle, with the occasional picture and commentary from moi…

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After seeing a lot about the TRX suspension trainer on the internet, I had to see for myself what the talk was all about. I’ve been training in Street Combat (martial arts) for the last 8 months, and I’m always interested in ways to get stronger without weights.  I like to be strong but not bulky, because it makes my martial arts training more effective.  I decided to buy the TRX Force Kit. Thanks to my frugal girlfriend (who found a $30 off coupon online), I paid $179.95 for the kit.  It comes with an instructional DVD, training manual, TRX suspension trainer, door anchor, and a carrying bag.

The first workout with the TRX that I did was while watching the “Day 1” DVD workout (34 minutes long).  It was basically a leg workout with a lot of core work.  I had NEVER done a thirty-minute workout and sweated my tail off like that! The single leg squats and suspended lunges are my favorite leg exercise, and the suspended crunch is my favorite core exercise on the Day 1 program.

The Day 2 program is all upper body and core exercises, and is very challenging!  The first exercise for day 2 takes a lot of strength. It’s called the Suspended Incline Press. If you have ever done a jack knife push-up (Chinese pushup), imagine raising both legs on an incline and then trying to do a pushup. If its sounds difficult, that’s because it is!  I only can do 5 at a time without killing my shoulders and abs.

This exercise (as with most of the TRX exercises) can be modified so that they are easier at first.

The “Day 2″ workout brings with it Atomic Pushups.  This exercise is for your chest and core stabilization, and is also one of my favorite exercises. You face away from your “post ” (the structure that your TRX trainer is anchored to), place your feet in the straps, and get in a push-up position.  The exercise involves performing a standard push-up, then bringing your knees to your chest.  It’s no joke.

I have never used any type of equipment like this before, but now I’m addicted! If you’re looking for a piece of equipment that will work your entire body with every exercise, but is not too hard to install, this is it!

(“Don’t arch your back, hot stuff!”)

Huh?

(“Oh…just do that back row thing instead…”)

This one?

(“Yep, yep…that’s the one…lookin’ good…great form…wait, hold it right there…one more picture…”)

The TRX suspension trainer is amazing and you will see a difference in your overall strength if you continuously use it.  I definitely recommend the TRX, but when you first use it I suggest starting off by using the DVD in order to learn the exercises and form.

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So, there ya have it. My Gazelle says it’s great, and I even love the thing.  I’ve used it a few times besides this impromptu neighborhood session, and I plan to add it to my weekly workout plans in addition to running and cross training.

Here’s an actual video of cool people using the TRX.  They’re better at it than us:

If anyone has any questions about the TRX, ask away!  I also have a ton more pictures, and I can post videos as well.  Ask and you shall receive!